Your Kids Should Not Be the Most Important People in the Family
This particular article has been around for a while; however, I just read it for the first time via my Instagram feed. I can’t stop thinking about Rosemond’s sage words. In fact, I had to read it twice to let the information sink into my brain, and I had to read it two more times before I decided to spotlight it in my blog. (FYI — a link to an easier version for you to read is at the bottom of this article.)
I was born to parents who believed what Rosemond wrote; as a result, my husband and I consciously decided to follow their lead and rear our children with this as a foundation. Yes . . . our children were very important to us. Yes . . we were dedicated to making their lives comfortable, safe and happy. Yes . . . they were very active in the academic, music and athletic arenas and . . . yes . . . we rarely missed an event; consequently, our calendar was packed, and we were often over-scheduled to the point of exhaustion. However, our children did not run our lives – we guided theirs.
This article has inspired a flashback from the mid 1980’s when my children were young — “single digits.” My husband and I were at a party; the ages of the guests varied from infant to ninety – I was in my early thirties at the time. During the festive occasion, many of the mothers were standing around – chatting – sipping on wine or beer – sharing our frustrations and our pride as parents. The comments varied from “How am I ever going to get my son to study so he can get on the Honor Roll?” “I can’t figure out how to get my kid potty-trained.” “My children never listen to me.” “What’s the secret to getting my toddler to sleep through the night?” “My child walked at ten months.” “My daughter was state champion in cross country.” “My kid was Student of the Month in the fifth grade.” “My kid was out of diapers before she was two-years-old.” And the chatter went on and on until one mother said in an exasperated tone, “Being a parent is so hard – I never know if I’m doing it right.”
It was this final comment that motivated an elderly gentleman to speak for the first time. I did not recognize the man nor do I remember his name; however, his insightful words echoed inside of my head for the remainder of my child rearing years.
He looked at the woman who had made the last statement and calmly responded, “You will not know if you have been a successful parent until your child is a grown up and he or she has become a good citizen.”
Everyone was quiet for approximately three seconds as they processed his declaration. Then, they blew him off. He quietly walked away.
“Are you kidding?” The women clamored. “What does being a good citizen have to do with anything regarding parenting?” Others agreed, “We want our children to be successful, top of the class, all-star athletes, stellar leaders, talented musicians and receive college scholarships.” I wondered – privately – if, perhaps, we all believed our children’s accomplishments were a reflection upon us.
I may not remember that fellow’s name, but I have never forgotten his wisdom. From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to keep that stranger’s judicious statement in the forefront of my day. It resonated with me. After several decades, Rosemond’s article brought it back to the surface.
The parenting journey isn’t about how successful your child is while he or she is living under your roof – instead, it is about laying the groundwork for your child to be independent, self-motivated, and a productive member of society because once your child is launched from the security of your home, it is up to him or her to find his or her way in life, to be productive and to give back to society — or in other words – to be a good citizen.
The article might be a little difficult to read on your iPhone; as a result, I have included a link.
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That is the most not happened thing to ever not happen. He said the most mild, reasonable thing and everyone would agree.